Do you dread the spontaneous denial of airship passage by reason of the cut of your frock, the tone of your complexion, or the form of your orison? Fear no longer! Whether you are in need of MODERNIFICATION™, or merely desirous of civil or amicable converse {we regret our incapacity to accept any other sort at present}, we look forward to receiving your missive.
{Please do note we categorically guarantee, by the Dao, Allah, and all else we hold sacred, that your electrical-post address will be utilized solely and exclusively for the purpose of response.}
Further, representatives of the firm are available for the presentation of lectures to industrial and colonial expositions, learned societies, trades congresses, soldierly musters, the fourth estate, literary salons, science saloons, secret society lodges, agitations, weddings, funerals, sünnets, and bar- or bat-mitzvahs.
Do not hesitate, Gentle Patron, for we urge you bear in mind the familiar maxim: "Those who do not avail themselves of bespoke modernities will likely find ill-fitted prêt-à-porter ones thrust upon them at Gatling gunpoint." At Mahometan & Celestial, when we hear the Great Powers invoke 'Civilization', we chamber a round in our C96 Broomhandle Mauser!